It was freezing. Light was nonexistent. Nothing except gloom was around me.
I guess this is what it’s feel like to die. But part of me is still expecting.
Did I expect the Goddess to embrace me and lead me into some pearly gates after I rejected the surviving chance she gave me?
I spent a longer period of time huddled up in the shadows. It appeared to be days or perhaps years. However, time didn’t appear to pass here in the same manner. In this timeless abyss, it might have just been a matter of seconds, for all I knew.
With the strange passage of time, I thought she must had abandoned me this time.
But without warning, light engulfed me, and I started to fall. As I fell, I could see memories flying past me all around.
Before my mother went away, I witnessed her
compassionately caring for me during my childhood. My father, with his unwaveringly austere demeanor. When I first saw Benjamin after turning 18, I was struck by how handsome he seemed. I recognized Isabella’s innocent persona and her constant smile at me. I’d seen Zoey betray me.
And I witnessed my own death. It was played repeatedly, apparently in an effort to drive me nuts. After hearing the
blade’s sharp edge tearing into my flesh as the warrior raised it, I would see blackness–cold, silent darkness. It kept on repeating like a stuck record.
Perhaps it was my punishment for refusing the goddess’s offer – to watch my own stupidity over and over again.
I pleaded with the emptiness, “Please… don’t….”
I wasn’t sure whether anyone was listening, but I’d had enough. If not Hell, then it was incredibly close. The sights and sounds drilled themselves into my brain despite my best efforts to filter them out by closing my eyes and putting my balled–up fists over my ears.
A beautiful voice then cried out to me, “My child,” bringing with it the silence and peace I had been longing for.
When I rapidly opened my eyes, I saw a woman with magnificent gold hair and silver–colored eyes that were blazing. I instantly recognized her. The Moon Goddess. That beautiful woman in my dream reappeared. I wanted to cry in front of her just by looking at her, but I refrained.
“Please forgive me. It was my fault. I used to be so foolish that I disregarded your suggestions.”
She said, “I can feel your guilt, but I can also feel your dissatisfaction with me.”
I was immediately ashamed. Though we were raised to worship her devotedly, I was internally conflicted. I couldn’t possibly revere someone who had lengthened my suffering.
“I apologized, but dying is such a sorrow,” my voice trembled and revealed my feelings.
“… Why did you decide my fate like this? You are the one who make me Benjamin’s mate. Did you really just want me be a Luna? If that’s the case, why did you choose Isabella and leave me to suffer that terrible fate?”
“My child, I never intend to make you suffer.” She whispered, “I have kept an eye on you from the start, but there are some things I cannot get involved with. I’ve said this before. I can’t give you answers; I can only ask questions.”
“What purpose does worshiping you serve then?” I might have spoken too severely. I was allowing my rage to control me.
“I prayed to you every night for years, hoping that Ben would fall in love with me, but eventually I came to the conclusion that you either didn’t exist or didn’t care.”
“This was not my plan, my child. Isabella wasn’t a choice I made. She just appeared and join your fate.”
“Are you claiming that something interrupted your plan and this is what happened?”
If it were the case, what happened that changed destiny’s course? She seemed to be withholding information from me.
“You have a too–simplistic perspective, attempting to use your knowledge and logic from the earth to understand something that cannot possibly be grasped so simply. You are one of my favorite kids because you are so powerful and brilliant, but I can’t change the future the way you might imagine.”
She gently gripped my palm and caressed my cheek with her other hand. Though I wanted to recoil from her touch,
something about her presence made me want to completely
surrender to her.
“Would you blame the mother if you gave a child the perfect parenting, education, and family, only for them to grow up and commit serious crimes? I wanted you to live the finest life possible, filled with love and joy. In order to save you, I even broke the law. But bear in mind that you declined my invitation. Perhaps it’s fate, and I can’t do anything till you’re done.”
“Done? You mean until I pass away?”
She gave a head nod.
“I can’t undo the past, but I can’t deny that selecting Ben as your mate left me feeling unhappy and guilty. So, I intend to send you back. This time, you could prevent your own death.”
It was difficult to disagree with anything she was saying because of the way her silver eyes were drilling into mine.
“And if I object?” I nervously asked. Although death is suffering, it was also a torture to go back to Benjamin and watch him live happily with Isabella.
“Then you’ll stay in the Abyss and keep experiencing your death.”
My mind brought back the pictures that had recently plagued me, repeatedly showing me my death. I bet she did that
deliberately, to give me a preview of what my refusal would be like.
“And will they accept the miracle of resurrection? The sudden resurrection of the dead Winona will definitely scare them, “I
“Don’t worry, I’ll choose a right moment to send you back.” she replied slightly.
“Then I don’t want to be Luna once more,” I responded, surprising even myself that I was haggling with a Goddess but I couldn’t get rid of the notion that something was strange. “And I don’t want to be Benjamin’s mate.”
“That is the outcome I have predetermined for you. I couldn’t change that.”
“Then I’m not going to accept.” I objected and took my hand away from hers. “I believe there is something you are hiding from me. A justification other than your guilt for needing me to return so urgently.”
She didn’t say anything, but her weary eyes were on me.
I concluded that she was silent, assuming it to mean that I was right.
“I cannot change your birth’s determination of your fate. The effects of anything like that may alter your entire identity and being. As it always has been, Benjamin will be your mate. However, I’ll give you a present. I’ll give you the power to decide your own fate and destiny. For your upcoming battles, you will require it.”
She then softly kissed my forehead, sending tingles through my body where her lips touched mine. I felt as though a surge of energy suddenly passed through me, allowing me to experience feelings I had never experienced before. I had to take a moment to gather myself once she moved back. I made a conscious effort to quiet my thoughts so that I could concentrate on the issues at hand–the solutions.
“What kind of battles? You haven’t even told me what I need to change yet.”
She had only said that I needed to prevent my own death. But how am I supposed to know exactly what has to change for me to accomplish that?
“I have offered you a part of me,” she replied, her voice suddenly unusually strained.
“With this, your death can be stopped. At all costs, you must avoid dying because when you do so, all werewolves‘ futures will collapse.”
She started to flicker, like a candle trying to maintain its flame.
“What happened?” I asked. My attempt to grab her hand failed since it passed right through her.
“The part of me that I gave you has worn me out; I need to rest. But I’ll be there for you, keeping an eye on you. You don’t need to feel alone at this moment.”
“Remember, stop your own death, whatever it takes.”
Then in front of my eyes, she vanished.
Lost in the air, I suddenly woke up in bed after that.